Friday, May 20, 2011

The 'betes

Honestly, my sugars haven't been that great. I don't want any one reading this to think that everything is all about rainbows and unicorns ( I am going to start taking horseback riding lessons though, I digress). My blood sugars honestly suck right now, and I probably am due for another doctor visit.

The thing is though, sometimes my body needs, which I am super in-tune to now, and my needs for my diabetes are usually not the same. My disease wants protein and fiber and veggies. My body wants real food, food to fuel, and chocolate. This doesn't always work to my advantage, and I still feel like I am "playing around" to try and find the right mix of insulin to carb ratios, basals, workout basals, etc, and it's annoying to be honest. Why can't anyone figure this out? Yeah,  certain foods make me go higher than others, but I know that, I am a smart girl, I take the insulin for it, so why do I still float high all day and all night?! I adjust my basals every time I go to the doctor, and every time I adjust them to higher, I am going low all the time. There is no middle ground right now, or at least it seems that way. I was diagnosed in 2004, so thats... 7 years?! And I am still trying to figure this silly disease out? 

On a non-rant-side note, has anyone heard of or experienced "brittle" diabetes? I have read about this, and whatever that is, I feel like I have. The line is so thin that I walk, I feel like I am either falling one way or the other. Why can't I walk the line? Even for a day? I see other people's blogs and they get upset or frustrated if they rebound low or high after chocolate cake.. I mean, yes that sucks, but at least you know why, too much or too little insulin. Sometimes I'll wake up fine, and by the time I eat I am over 280. Usually these days, I wake up around 300. Yeah, I even wake up in the middle of the night, check sugars and bolus. 

I know a lot of people probably gasped at that, but that is just what it is right now and I am working to fix it. It's raw and it's real and it is what it is. I sometimes wake up really tired, I sometime wake up and have to postpone by run, or cancel it. Or I sometimes want to go back to sleep because I know my pump site is messed up or my infusion set got messed up or pulled out during the night, which seems to be the case a lot! (?)  I probably should make it more of a priority, but for so long my life was ruled by diabetes, now it is ruled by... nothing, and it's nice. Getting real and knowing the consequences is important though, and I definitely see that!  

Off to enjoy a lovely weekend of no work, walks outside with my dog, and some tennis! Oh, and maybe some nights out with friends! :) 

Have a good night!


  1. I know sometimes can it can see overwhelming and you can do nothing right. Sometimes when I read other blogs and they get upset about an A1C of 7.0 I get upset or ask why is it so much easier for them? But then I found a doctor that I love, and my life is changed. I do feel so much more in control. You should see your doctor and figure out your stuff so you can feel better and finally feel like you control your life not your diabetes. Good luck!

  2. Heya Megan,
    I just wanted to say that I know exactly how you feel!
    Diabetes sucks at times, and you can do everything right and it still won't go the way you planned.
    Something that helped me a lot recently is the book 'Think Like a Pancreas' by Gary Scheiner. It gives you a great starting point for the amount of insulin your should be taking depending on many different factors. Then you can play around with them until you get the perfect amount of insulin for you.
    It tells you how your body reacts under different situation, stress etc.
    Anyway, you might have read it already, but I just thought it might help if you haven't.
    Good luck! :)

  3. My sugars have been a pain in my rear this week. I had a bad couple years.. yes, years! But I'm finally back to checking my sugar often, and taking a ton of shots a day. How do you feel about your pump? I am 27, been diabetic since I was 14, and I can't imagine trying to tie myself to a pump at my age lol..

    Isn't it annoying when it wont cooperate?? Makes me feel like a failure even though I feel like I'm doing things as well as I can.

  4. Thank you for your posts girls! @sarah, I will definitely check out that book! I have to update the blog because I found out a lot of my high sugar reading were due to gluten... super interesting! I found a great new nutritionist! My sugars have gone down drastically since I started trying to eat less gluten. Work in progress, but we shall see. @lauren, the pump gives me a lot of freedom, but I still feel a little restricted by wearing it. The pump can be a great thing when you get used to it, it just takes time. Everyone is super different, but I would totally check into it just to see. My doctor told me to do a trial first by attaching a pump with saline in it for a week before I decided. I think I ripped it out twice, but now, I really do like the pump. Changing the infusion sets is like second nature and now my sugars are really improving. :) Good luck to all three of you and please keep me updated! Good luck!