The thing is though, sometimes my body needs, which I am super in-tune to now, and my needs for my diabetes are usually not the same. My disease wants protein and fiber and veggies. My body wants real food, food to fuel, and chocolate. This doesn't always work to my advantage, and I still feel like I am "playing around" to try and find the right mix of insulin to carb ratios, basals, workout basals, etc, and it's annoying to be honest. Why can't anyone figure this out? Yeah, certain foods make me go higher than others, but I know that, I am a smart girl, I take the insulin for it, so why do I still float high all day and all night?! I adjust my basals every time I go to the doctor, and every time I adjust them to higher, I am going low all the time. There is no middle ground right now, or at least it seems that way. I was diagnosed in 2004, so thats... 7 years?! And I am still trying to figure this silly disease out?
On a non-rant-side note, has anyone heard of or experienced "brittle" diabetes? I have read about this, and whatever that is, I feel like I have. The line is so thin that I walk, I feel like I am either falling one way or the other. Why can't I walk the line? Even for a day? I see other people's blogs and they get upset or frustrated if they rebound low or high after chocolate cake.. I mean, yes that sucks, but at least you know why, too much or too little insulin. Sometimes I'll wake up fine, and by the time I eat I am over 280. Usually these days, I wake up around 300. Yeah, I even wake up in the middle of the night, check sugars and bolus.
I know a lot of people probably gasped at that, but that is just what it is right now and I am working to fix it. It's raw and it's real and it is what it is. I sometimes wake up really tired, I sometime wake up and have to postpone by run, or cancel it. Or I sometimes want to go back to sleep because I know my pump site is messed up or my infusion set got messed up or pulled out during the night, which seems to be the case a lot! (?) I probably should make it more of a priority, but for so long my life was ruled by diabetes, now it is ruled by... nothing, and it's nice. Getting real and knowing the consequences is important though, and I definitely see that!
Off to enjoy a lovely weekend of no work, walks outside with my dog, and some tennis! Oh, and maybe some nights out with friends! :)
Have a good night!