With my job, the multi-tasking, joggling, travel, and crazy long hours sometimes, that phrase clearly need some TLC. I mean, I do the best I can, which is all I can ask of myself, but a vacation is definitely needed.
This weekend is my 24th birthday, and I am taking off most of this week to do nothing other than shop, eat, relax, and workout, beach it, or do whatever the hell I want! woowoo! No work! Ok, this is getting journal-y...
I come to a very interesting spot in my recovery. It is the spot of total and utter indecision and just general lack of much care. This is worry-some to my type A personality, but it also feels really good. And I think it is a necessary step, so let's ride this wave. Needless to say, these past couple of months have NOT been easy, but we all have little slips and times where you really just need to hold on for dear life. This, my friends, is one of those times. And I am finally able to post because I am reading the most amazing book and felt the need to share it.
It's called "women, food and God." I think ALL girls should read this book honestly. I think a majority of my friends struggle in some capacity with food or exercise or drinking or smoking or whatever your "vices" are. This book is super straightforward (totally my kinda read) and very very thought provoking. It's helpful in times like this, for me, to pull myself out of whatever struggle is on the radar at the time.
Here is a great quote maybe halfway through the book when she is talking about "letting go" and being who you were meant to be. Accepting that you don't have to fight if you really look into your heart, intuition, look to God, and just let everything be. Without controlling or needing to "fix" it. Without trying to manipulate anything, just look at yourself for who you are, being okay with it, loving it, and basically live and let live! STOP THE FIGHT! just stop.
Here is the quote she says, when you stop the fight, " It feels like the essence of tenderness, compassion, joy, peace. Like love itself. And in the moment you feel it when you recognize that you ARE it and that you've been here all along, waiting for your return. When you forget, like you always do, you suddenly understand that kindness to anyone- a plant, an animal, a stranger, a partner- brings you closer to this. Taking care of your body is taking care of this. That taking care of the earth is taking care of this... You returning to yourself. And that hell is nothing more than leaving this. Heaven is already here on earth."
(Roth pg. 75)
So well put! Any in recovery this was definitely something I think would have been a great push! I worked for years to really make sure I was inspired daily and worked SO hard at getting through, and now I am at the point where as terrifying as it is, soon I will be able to release and be. I feel like I get glimpses of this often, which is everything I can hope for right now. Living in love, being around awesome people and leaving those behind that don't feel right, even though your heart can sometime lead you that way.
Until next time.... Live in Love