Saturday, March 5, 2011

Today? What Now?

The last two years of my life have been a rollercoaster, but today, I feel great. I am back to my old self. Nothing is “perfect” and I am okay with that. I do what I can to manage my, still brittle, diabetes. I am no longer on an infant dose of insulin. I play tennis again, can run five miles if I want without much trouble, but I can also spend the day watching movies in bed if my body feels like it needs a break. I have a great job and I have the most amazing family and core group of friends in the entire world. My mom, dad and brothers have been to hell and back with me, but still stick by my side to this day. My friends that I had in high school are still my best friends to this day, even though I purposely lost touch for a little while. I can enjoy life, take care of myself, and take care and nature my disease without it being at the forefront of my life and that is what makes me most happy.
The diabetes was a gift that took too long to unwrap and come to terms with. It gave me purpose, passion, and tools to overcome the biggest struggles I thought I might not make it out of. Having an eating disorder has showed me that life can be hard, actually it can seem impossible to make it to the next day, but overcoming this horrible disease has changed my life for the better. I have never felt stronger. I am proud of where I am. I don’t want to be a model and my body could never look like a model’s body. That is not where my goals lie anymore because life is too much fun when you are not on a constant diet. Life is too colorful when you aren’t looking at it though a black and white lens. It is a place of opportunity and a place to foster your dreams and ambitions, to never take no for an answer from anyone, if you are passionate about something.
If you are struggling with any sort of diabetes related eating issues, encourage you to get help. It seems like with diabetes, eating issues are confusing and frustrating, and sometimes you just need someone to relate to. Sometimes you need someone to yell at, sometimes you need someone to feel sad with. Make sure you have that in your mom, a therapist, or a friend. Find an outlet that isn’t food or exercise related. In the world that us woman and girls live in today, it is EASY to get sucked into that trap, that diet trap that engulfs your world. Please, let me just tell you, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, there is a life after dieting. There is a life after the fear. 

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